As our Team's departure approaches, I have to admit I'm feeling a bit of anxiety this time, and I'm not sure why. I'd like to be a bit more like Alfred E. Newman of "MAD" magazine fame, who's famous (or infamous) line is, "What! Me worry?"
I read in a book recently that the author was dealing with worry. As he cleared his mind before he prayed, he imagined himself standing in a river with Jesus alongside him. As he prayed for releasing his worries, Jesus said, "Look upstream at the water coming toward you. It will come in its time whether you worry about it or not. Now look downstream. The waves and logs that passed us are in the past. You cannot reclaim the past. Look at me, my brother. I am with you always, beside you. Here. Now."
As I let the story sink in, I realized there's another part to the story that applies.
When I try to swim upstream, anticipating what is coming, I lose my time and focus with Jesus. It's exhausting swimming upstream - I can never swim hard enough or fast enough against the current to truly grasp the future. If I try to swim downstream, I can never capture what debris is in the river that already went by.
Eventually, I can't swim any more; carried downstream to what's past, living in what should have been - standing with Jesus, I being by his side, moment by moment. Relying on his love, strength, and purpose. Remembering that, whatever is to come, we are together.
As I thought of my worries this week, I found the source to be my pride and need for control. Yes, planning on who can help with the dog, mowing the lawn, etc. is important (and I'm blessed to have such great supporters who have offered to help!). But when planning becomes an extension of my need for control of the outcomes, I'm swimming upstream.
The "letting go" of those things I cannot control, and to a certain extent, the outcomes, are things I absolutely must place in God's hands, trusting Him so that I can be used by Him on the mission.
My goal is to post and/or send an update each day this week on my personal blog. I also found out that I may have an opportunity to write a post for the team while gone. Please see my Team Blog by clicking HERE and the Facebook page click HERE.
SDG
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