13 Seconds

I looked at my watch -- only ten minutes to go until my first final exam for a 2-year effort to earn my certification in safety management.  Plenty of time to clear out some email.

The post on the Facebook webpage simply read, "Saw an obit for John C____ this morning."  My heart sunk as I tried processing the news.

John has a unique last name -- there's no mistaking it.  The age, 48 years, fit.  John was a good friend to many and, most importantly, a great husband and father. 

The conversation in my head volleyed conflicting thoughts.  "Keep it together for the exam."  "Maybe it's not him.  How could it not be?"  You know the first reactions after this kind of news goes from shock to denial."  "He was so young."  "Need more information."  "Why did we lose touch?  Too busy, I guess.  Put off plans to get together."  "Regrets."

I found my self praying, "Please God, let it not be true," as if John would be resurrected.  "Denial.  Shock.  Keep it together here.  Besides, I'm  in West Virginia.  There's nothing to do until I get home."  "What about Jeanne and the boys?"

"What would I say at John's funeral?" I asked.  "Two sentences," I answered my self.

"John had the guts to invite me to church in 1990 and I accepted Christ into my heart that day.  My life changed that day, and it's been great ever since."

In the next 13 seconds, I realized I'm not ready -- He helped me change my life and I'd need to live for him.

I'm not ready to go - there's so much to do to serve God, to serve others.  I'm going to Nicaragua.  I want to go as much as I need to.  I'm too young.  Kimberly and I just found each other.  My daughters are too young to lose their dad.  A moment of truth came over me, realizing that the certification, the busy-ness, the 60 hour work week (for me) got in the way of my service to my family and my neighbors. 

My mom still lives in the home I grew up in.  "Maybe Mom will know something."  As the phone rang, in only seconds, I recalled all the times John stopped by Mom's house periodically after my dad died (suddenly at 51).  When Mom answered, she said her heart sunk when she saw the obituary. 

Before we were done, we realized something just wasn't right, so Mom said she'd get more info and call me back.  Time to go in to the exam.

After purging a few tears and collecting my thoughts, Mom emailed me after checking the funeral home website.  I wasn't the John C_____ we know.  Thank God.  Wait; A young man with a family, my age, young kids, wife; no longer with us.  One whose family is experiencing a deep loss.

I thought hard after the exam.  "How will I respond to this after it grabbed my attention?  Will I live up to my concerns and promises to live for others?  What will I do about not being "ready?"  I prayed, "God, don't ever leave me out of Your great plans, even if my part is to have caused others to come to you after I leave my life here behind.  In the mean time, use me to your fullest extent for your glory."

I can't wait to see Kimberly, Natalie, Grace, and Elvis.  Wrap my arms around them and tell them I love them and they mean more to me than anything in the world. 

John, if you're reading this, your simple invitation outside of your comfort zone has impacted my life tremendously.  You affected my thoughts today, causing me to recall what's important in life. 

Although we don't stay in touch, I love you, brother.  Thank you.  Thank you.