I looked at my watch -- only ten minutes to go until my first final exam for a 2-year effort to earn my certification in safety management. Plenty of time to clear out some email.
The post on the Facebook webpage simply read, "Saw an obit for John C____ this morning." My heart sunk as I tried processing the news.
John has a unique last name -- there's no mistaking it. The age, 48 years, fit. John was a good friend to many and, most importantly, a great husband and father.
The conversation in my head volleyed conflicting thoughts. "Keep it together for the exam." "Maybe it's not him. How could it not be?" You know the first reactions after this kind of news goes from shock to denial." "He was so young." "Need more information." "Why did we lose touch? Too busy, I guess. Put off plans to get together." "Regrets."
I found my self praying, "Please God, let it not be true," as if John would be resurrected. "Denial. Shock. Keep it together here. Besides, I'm in West Virginia. There's nothing to do until I get home." "What about Jeanne and the boys?"
"What would I say at John's funeral?" I asked. "Two sentences," I answered my self.
"John had the guts to invite me to church in 1990 and I accepted Christ into my heart that day. My life changed that day, and it's been great ever since."
In the next 13 seconds, I realized I'm not ready -- He helped me change my life and I'd need to live for him.
I'm not ready to go - there's so much to do to serve God, to serve others. I'm going to Nicaragua. I want to go as much as I need to. I'm too young. Kimberly and I just found each other. My daughters are too young to lose their dad. A moment of truth came over me, realizing that the certification, the busy-ness, the 60 hour work week (for me) got in the way of my service to my family and my neighbors.
My mom still lives in the home I grew up in. "Maybe Mom will know something." As the phone rang, in only seconds, I recalled all the times John stopped by Mom's house periodically after my dad died (suddenly at 51). When Mom answered, she said her heart sunk when she saw the obituary.
Before we were done, we realized something just wasn't right, so Mom said she'd get more info and call me back. Time to go in to the exam.
After purging a few tears and collecting my thoughts, Mom emailed me after checking the funeral home website. I wasn't the John C_____ we know. Thank God. Wait; A young man with a family, my age, young kids, wife; no longer with us. One whose family is experiencing a deep loss.
I thought hard after the exam. "How will I respond to this after it grabbed my attention? Will I live up to my concerns and promises to live for others? What will I do about not being "ready?" I prayed, "God, don't ever leave me out of Your great plans, even if my part is to have caused others to come to you after I leave my life here behind. In the mean time, use me to your fullest extent for your glory."
I can't wait to see Kimberly, Natalie, Grace, and Elvis. Wrap my arms around them and tell them I love them and they mean more to me than anything in the world.
John, if you're reading this, your simple invitation outside of your comfort zone has impacted my life tremendously. You affected my thoughts today, causing me to recall what's important in life.
Although we don't stay in touch, I love you, brother. Thank you. Thank you.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Bibles, Part 2
Just located and ordered 100 Spanish illustrated Bibles for ages 4-10! Should be here in the next several days.
Also just found out church sponsored over 2000 kids with World Vision last weekend. Most in Mozambique and additional sponsorships are still coming in.
Amazing.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
What is "Spiritual Avulsion"
Some have asked where the name "Spiritual Avulsion" on the blog comes from. Good question.
SA is a somewhat personal term I've used to describe the tearing of the soul when I went through a very bad time in life that is indescribable. At that time, the experience was so intense that I could sense a separation (of sorts) of the parts of my being - body, mind, and spirit.
In a sense, I've had a similar experience when I asked God to make me the man He wants me to be. If you've ever read C. S. Lewis's Voyage Of The Dawn Treader, one of the characters (can't recall his name, but it was the bratty cousin) was turned into a dragon and desparately wanted to be turned back into a boy. The scales couldn't be scraped off, as hard as he tried to rid himself of them.
The only thing that saved him was a painful avulsion of his being, and when he turned back into a boy, he was truly transformed.
Over the past several months, Kimberly and I have commited ourselves to living our faith to the best of our ability each day. Preparing for Nicaragua, I must say, has not been smooth. Planning itself with the team has been great, but personally, many doubts have crept in and exuses keep hammering away as additional life tasks continue to add up.
So, most recently, the spiritual avulsion has been in God removing the scales from me, and it's not been painless, and attacks come from the bad guy. But, I am putting on the full armor of God each day and thanking God for sending me to do the work he has for me.
JH
SA is a somewhat personal term I've used to describe the tearing of the soul when I went through a very bad time in life that is indescribable. At that time, the experience was so intense that I could sense a separation (of sorts) of the parts of my being - body, mind, and spirit.
In a sense, I've had a similar experience when I asked God to make me the man He wants me to be. If you've ever read C. S. Lewis's Voyage Of The Dawn Treader, one of the characters (can't recall his name, but it was the bratty cousin) was turned into a dragon and desparately wanted to be turned back into a boy. The scales couldn't be scraped off, as hard as he tried to rid himself of them.
The only thing that saved him was a painful avulsion of his being, and when he turned back into a boy, he was truly transformed.
Over the past several months, Kimberly and I have commited ourselves to living our faith to the best of our ability each day. Preparing for Nicaragua, I must say, has not been smooth. Planning itself with the team has been great, but personally, many doubts have crept in and exuses keep hammering away as additional life tasks continue to add up.
So, most recently, the spiritual avulsion has been in God removing the scales from me, and it's not been painless, and attacks come from the bad guy. But, I am putting on the full armor of God each day and thanking God for sending me to do the work he has for me.
JH
Thursday, June 7, 2012
OrphaNetwork - Nicaragua
Here's a link to the OrphaNetwork - Nicaragua. http://www.orphanetwork.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=34471
The page describes what the organization is about and how to help.
The page describes what the organization is about and how to help.
29 Days To Departure
Where did May go? As I get closer to the departure date, my heart is opened a bit more each day, being sensitive to promptings by God and my own thoughts on how to serve better.
This weekend, Eagle Brook is presenting a message on servanthood and the impact we can make on Mozambique Africa and the work of World Vision. I am continually amazed at the journey Richard Stearns has taken from atheist to Christian to CEO to World Vision CEO. He has a gift for writing, having the ability to explain what our calling is to the poor around the world, and how each Christian must act.
Individually, sponsoring one child makes a difference in one child's life. Together, an entire church or other community can impact a number of people.
Part of my decision to go to Nicaragua came from a realization that I wasn't really living my faith, and that I owe my entire life to Christ. Not that I can gain anything by my good works. That said, I know I can't earn salvation through serving -- I can 't earn God's favor with my works -- I can't do enough to do that.
The key is that Christ already earned God's favor for me. Through God's grace and believing in Christ, Christ already paid the price. I want to go to Nicaragua, not because I can earn God's favor by going, but because I want to serve Christ.
This weekend, Eagle Brook is presenting a message on servanthood and the impact we can make on Mozambique Africa and the work of World Vision. I am continually amazed at the journey Richard Stearns has taken from atheist to Christian to CEO to World Vision CEO. He has a gift for writing, having the ability to explain what our calling is to the poor around the world, and how each Christian must act.
Individually, sponsoring one child makes a difference in one child's life. Together, an entire church or other community can impact a number of people.
Part of my decision to go to Nicaragua came from a realization that I wasn't really living my faith, and that I owe my entire life to Christ. Not that I can gain anything by my good works. That said, I know I can't earn salvation through serving -- I can 't earn God's favor with my works -- I can't do enough to do that.
The key is that Christ already earned God's favor for me. Through God's grace and believing in Christ, Christ already paid the price. I want to go to Nicaragua, not because I can earn God's favor by going, but because I want to serve Christ.
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